The Universality of Forgiveness

THE UNIVERSALITY OF FORGIVENESS*
How Alaska Young Would Never be Found No Matter How Hard We Look
(Thoughts and Blabbers on “Looking for Alaska”)

I don’t remember if this is my first John Green book. I have a faint memory of reading The Fault in Our Stars but I don’t know whether my recollection comes from reading the book or just watching the movie. Anyway, I really liked John Green teaching me World History and Literature in his Crash Course videos**, so I was not very surprised that I would love him as an author.  (Yeah, I know, he’s a famous author and all, how could I not love him, but love doesn’t work that way for me fellas, I don’t love an author just because everybody else does, in fact, the more well-loved by the public something or someone is, the more I feel repulsed by them, I’m stubborn like that).

I picked this book because it was on the list of books that involves mental health problems. I never really had the intention of reading any book by John Green (shame on me, I know) because it was you know, too popular already, everyone I know probably had read all of his books. So boy, am I lucky to decide to pick this one up.

This book talks a lot about love, friendship, fucked-upness, getting through life despite aforementioned fucked-upness, how the world is not fair, and keeping on living despite knowing that the world is not fair (seriously, what is the noun for “not fair”? How come there is none, it is a valuable adjective that I would’ve used every day), and a lot of complicated situations that a lot of us knows too well. One thing that I really appreciated about this book is that, even if it is fiction, the characters, their beliefs, their values and the underlying reasons for that, are very real. After reading the book, I felt like I really met The Colonel, Pudge, Alaska, Takumi, and Lara.

One thing I noticed about John Green’s books (this one I read, TFIOS, I probably read and then watched the movie, Paper Towns, I watched the movie), is that he develops really really interesting characters. Take Alaska Young, Margo Roth Spiegelman(?), Augustus Waters. They are carefree individuals who (I think) refuses to conform to what other people does or says. They do what they want, and they have firm values and beliefs. But since, I haven’t read Paper Towns and I am not sure if I have really read The Fault in Our Stars, let’s focus on Alaska Young and her own brand of complicatedness.

Mr. Green described Alaska as a “gorgeous, clever, funny, sexy, self-destructive, screwed-up and utterly fascinating” character. And I couldn’t find any better way to describe her (seriously, that’s seven adjective in one line already, what more do we need?). She reminds me a lot of myself, you know, hoarder of books, terribly moody, sometimes friendly, sometimes the greatest bitch that you will ever encounter, although I am in no way gorgeous, clever, funny, sexy and fascinating in any way, probably just screwed-up and self-destructive. She also thinks about a lot of things that I also wonder about. Her questions are also my questions.

How will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?

At one point in the story, she answered this question, although it is debatable whether the way she answered it (straight and fast) reflected the events that occurred in her life towards the end. Whether it was her choice or not. If the answer is yes, well then, she’s incredibly stupid, but also incredibly brave. I wanted to judge her because I was reading Pudge’s point of view, and damn he was right, Alaska is worthy of hate if her friends found out that what happened to her was intentional. As Pudge said: 

“Meriwether Lewis’s last words were, “I am not a coward, but I am so strong. So hard to die.” I don’t doubt this, but it cannot be harder than being left behind.”

I have never really lost anyone close to me. So I wouldn’t know how this feels. And for a split second, while I was reading, I felt guilty of all the dark thoughts that have entered my mind. The amount of pain and suffering that the people left behind might have really been so great, it’s as if the pain of the one who went away was passed and divided among them. Killing yourself doesn’t stop the pain it just spreads it around.

The thing that I know about, is the feeling of wanting to let the suffering end. It may be selfish, but isn’t it also selfish to ask someone to keep living when there is nothing left to it for her but suffering? If she has already equated her life with sadness, loss and pain, isn’t it also selfish for us to ask her to keep on feeling these things when she could, in one flick of her finger, end it all and be in peace?

Towards the end of the book, Pudge decided to forgive Alaska, whether it was her choice or not. He forgave her, for leaving him behind and for the pain that she caused. He thought that she has forgiven him too, for his shortcomings as friend, for failing to save her when he might have. Thus comes the title of this entry, The Universality of Forgiveness.

Mr. Green asks:

“Is forgiveness universal? I mean, is forgiveness, really available to all people, no matter the circumstances? Is it, for instance, possible for the dead to forgive the living, and for the living to forgive the dead?

I think it is important to know what forgiveness means to the people who is asking and giving it. If forgiveness simply means the words “I forgive you” or, “we’re okay” or “that’s alright” then, obviously it’s not universal, a dead person couldn’t give it to the living because uhh, he’s super dead (hah! Hamilton reference). But it becomes a different story when the living tries to say these words to the dead. Sure, he could say it, above his grave, in a eulogy, in a prayer, however he wants. But whether or not it means something, since the person who should be on the receiving end of the said forgiveness wouldn’t be able to hear it anymore, is not clear. Would that really be forgiveness, or would it be just empty words uttered into the air?

What really qualifies forgiveness?

Does it lie in the acceptance of the fault and the regret of having done it in the first place? Does it lie on the fact that the aggrieved one has moved past it and hold no grudge or bitterness against you anymore?

So I guess, I wouldn’t know how to answer Mr. Green’s question. But, you know, I think guilt, for having done something wrong, is not given to us by the ones we have wronged. It’s something that we have given ourselves. Same as with anger for being wronged, it’s not an emotion that was forced on us, it is something that we have somehow decide to feel. So there’s that. Maybe if those emotions are just within us, maybe forgiveness is too.

*Comes from Question No. 1 of John Green’s “Some Intentionally Vague and Broad Discussion Questions” section found at the end of the book.”  

**John and his brother Hank along with other awesome people teaches a lot of interesting subjects in this series of videos, go to youtube, type crash course, and eat out knowledge.